stuck in a strange place this week like out on a cliff over the ocean &I don’t know where to go;probably just wanting to run from romantic hurt &begin anew, a clean slate of faces in a place where maybe people want to be girlfriends ¬ just get my hopes up and then dick me around because they don’t know what they want.
how do people get into relationships anyway. it’s a mystery to me.
I don’t feel unloveable, yet here I am.
I’m dreaming of driving a van packed with my life up to portland, a similar but different places with similar but different opportunities, but probably I shouldn’t because it’s a hipster utopia &I’d just miss denver so much. I think about san francisco, too. possibility of more lady-action there, but I don’t know a soul. besides, I’ve already learned that you can’t move away from your problems.
I’ve spent at least 60% of this week in bed, mostly due to iron deficiency, but with other underlying sub-catalysts. all my muscles hurt, my heart quasi-hurts, the lethargy is taking over. this may be for the best, as I typically don’t let myself rest ever.
I’ll see you all when I finally decide to leave my bed.